The other day, I was thinking about a few different things. All of the D-related and such and also about my lack of inspiration for what to say online. How some people can come up with ideas, histories, and constant things to talk about leads me to believe that a.) I am not as involved as I once was. b.) I may have never been involved as I mentally thought I was. c.) I am just plain uncreative.
Yet, I know in looking at things neither a,b, or c, truly applies. I think what I realized that in the beginning I just need guidance almost like someone to say, "Brian today you should blog about this or you should blog about that." I mean that I can handle. So instead, today I said to myself, "Self, it is a good idea to talk about dreams and such, why don't you seriously talk about what an ideal day without would mean for you." I mean maybe next time I will man up and do Kim's you can do this video, but I hate seeing myself in pictures and I am sure a video would scare myself and little children too... :-p
I really looked at my life, all I do, all I have done, and thought about imagine what you could do or would do if you had a day, week, or month without having to deal with some of the stresses and pressures of being a person with type-1 diabetes. I mean that would be sweet (no pun intended of course). I mean, eating what I want, sleeping until whenever, not having to test, not having to bolus, not having to change infusion sites. Hell, not having to deal with prescriptions, all of that stuff that drives me absolutely nuts some days. It would be awesome. Right?? No fear, no worries, nothing.
Yet, I thought about that and I thought about who or what I was when I was a kid. Would I be able to handle the irresponsible lifestyle. Being able to graze, eat whatever, whenever?? Probably not. If tomorrow I were to start I would forget about everything I should be doing. Calories or carbs... Nope. Exercise.... c-ya. Responsible thoughts and actions out the door. I would be a horrible person. I would make all of the wrong choices and decisions. Granted if I had a month off, the first few days would be bad, but I could get better. I don't think I would. The routine, the regimen, everything, has been instilled in myself for a reason. It makes me who I am.
Would I still be sarcastic? Yeah. Would I still laugh at everything? Yeah. Would I still cry watching sad movies? Yeah (I can be really embarrassing sometimes). All of that would be me, yet I feel there would be something missing. I think after 15 plus years of being a person with type-1 diabetes, I have finally learned something from this disease. Will power and self control(to an extent), established routines (to an extent), but truthfully so much good has come of this. If I left them behind, I would be so different. Ya, know life sucks. I know this. Having type-1 sucks, I know this as well. But it could be worse. A day off would be nice, maybe. A life off would be awesome, but would I be able to handle that freedom or power? I don't know. The routine I have has been set, I am happy. Why change it? I mean if that day ever comes, it will be awesome, but right now I don't think I could handle it. I think I would be an overweight, out of shape person with no self control. That is a fail.