So Tuesday as I seem to like to do on Tuesday's I wandered into my Endo's office for my heart to heart. I love my Doctor. She is kind, understanding, and well just nice. We started out with the normal chatting about things, my test results, she gave me my A1c and we continued on normally. Nothing tragic, nothing scarey. We spoke of the freak lows that I have had.
She did not seem overly concerned. I mean I guess that kinda bothered me, but it could have been the way I presented each scenario. I mean the end result was basically user error my being the user. We did everything else that we needed to do. Prescription, checked my feets, checked my breathing, my heart, all was good. Thyroid levels are fine, weight seemed to be about the same. Which made me sadly happy. Happy that it isn't higher, but sad that it isn't lower.
Wed discussed the A1c and what maybe I could/should be doing to help things along in that regard. Nothing major. However, the one comment she made at the end of the visit did wig me out a little bit. Do you have a dermatologist?? No, I mean I know I have dry skin issues, but no. Oh, it's not for the dry skin its for your skin. (No shit). No, no why? Well just to have them look at your spots. i.e. my body covered in freckles. Do you have a history of skin cancer in your family? Not so much, no. Well you might want to have your body scanned and such, just in case.... WTF???? Seriously? Now I need a body scan to go with everything else!!
SOB. Sorry, that one just really caught me off guard. I mean, I have enough things/fears to worry about. The creaking bones in my body, the joint aches, my aversion to going to have my eyes checked. All of which I am working on. Now I need to worry about the fact that my Irish Dad's skin has ruined me and made me a risk.... Come on. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to!!!!!!!
Okay, fine that is out of my system. Am I worried? Not really! But nonetheless I have enough going on by way of troubles. Do I really want to add something to the mix?? Not really no. But what to do? Worry about it right now? No. I have other concerns, yet now I am worrying. Stupid endo. I liked you, but now you just annoyed me.... :-p
Oh and if you want to know what my a1c is. To quote Animal from the "Muppets" movie. "In control." Sorry, that is all you are getting. I am not telling people my number anymore. It's my business and only my business. PEACE.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Wordless Wednesday: My Diabetes is...
After some thinking and a my visit with my doctor, I have decided that my diabetes is like animal. All over the place, but at least numerswise, "In Control!!"
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Cereal Killer (Not really)
Have I ever told you I hate cereal? If I haven't it's killer. GET IT? Cereal Killer?? Hence the title to my blog. And hell I am sure it will generate some interesting blog search terms. This picture is just one example of why I hate cereal and I have strayed away from it for so long.
(SIDE NOTE) I am 6 glucose tabs and 4 Hershey Kisses into this blog. I treated before I tweeted/blogged, so none of you mommies out there can yell at me, well you can, but THWWWWPPPPPPP. (That's the tongue stuck out noise to me).
This morning I tried to integrate some cereal into my Chobani Yogurt. My yogurt and I have finally come to terms with how I need to bolus in order to not get the double up arrows after eating it. I figured what the hell, lets add about half a cup of Kashi Go Lean cereal to up my protein intake. Trying to be all healthy and ship. C's the one who sent me towards protein in my cereal and not just the whole grains. She's a big wig dietician or something like that, she knows her grains and vegetables. Oh and she is my sister.... Well at least on certain pieces of paper she is my sister. (That sounds even more awkward than I meant it to be.) Oh well. Yeah so C told me to help avoid all of my sugar spikes and the crash later if I ate cereal with protein or had more protein in some way with my breakfast, it would spread the spike out and keep me from going to high.
The concept did work for a while. But I was still uber spiky so I went to just yogurt and found a slightly better balance of carbs and swag and all that stuff. But today I tried to be adventurous and look at where it has gotten me. Now 8 glucose tabs into trying to get myself off my low. Probably should eat something else concrete since it is lunch time. So I am going to run away.
I do have other blogs to write. I have my travels of last week. My commitment for a month of blogs coming up. So much to do. So I will be back.
*REAL DISCLAIMER* The information I mentioned and inferred about protein and blood sugars is just that information. If you are wondering if this is something you should be considering or wondering about. Ask someone who knows what they are doing. Not me. I am just me a person with diabetes. I have two Masters and all, but no where does it say FOOD or Dietician or CDE or anyhing like that in my title. As someone who knows. My ramblings are just that ramblings.
*Normal Disclaimer* I just like making stuff up. Oh and Sara I put the low line back on my CGM and adjusted some other things. So at least you can't yell at me for that. You can however yell at me for laughing at the fact you still have a Christmas tree up in your apartment. :-p
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Overly Prepared
Back when I was a little kid, I was a Boy Scout, while I never made Eagle I was a scout for many years. It was something that was interesting in my life and I am sure I learned something while I was there. Such as the lesson of being prepared. I like to blame my overly preparedness on being an ex-scout not on my occasional crop ups of CDO. But we know which is really the cause of my problems.
This morning I was getting ready for my trip down to Florida where I will have the opportunity to see not sea although maybe I might dump her in that.... Sara. Just kidding about the sea part, not the see part. Oh I kill myself some mornings. It must be the pre-6:00 AM wake and subsequent Diet Pepsi's. Well I am going for a week to Disney, which I am super excited about. First time using my time share, so yeah. Well in getting ready I realized that I needed snacks both for low's and well because I am cheap or frugal when it comes to buying snacks on site. Enter my trip to Target, never go while low or hungry.
This is what I bought for my 6 day adventure. $40 worth of food and supplies. I have the Jumbo Mallows for if I get low, low. And they are easy to pack and pop. Fruit Roll-ups are just in case I don't want to get completely stared at for eating a giant marshmallow by the guy eating the even more huge TURKEY LEG. Than I have PB&J granola bars, Kashi pumpkin and flax granola bars and Nature Valley Granola Thins (80 calories and 11 grams of carbs, I'm in), all for six days. Oh, and the nuts and raisins to make some trail mix packs. ALL FOR 6 DAYS!!! I mean seriously, what is wrong with me??
I am quite amused by this entire prospect and well it's not just food that I do this to/for. I have the Mio for drinks, I stopped myself from buying additional Crystal Light to go's since my backpack still has some from my last trip already packed (like 10 of them). But it's funny how it happens. I mean lets show you my packing math. I am going to Florida for 6 days. So that means I should have 7 t-shirts and under t-shirts, 10 pairs of boxer shorts and socks, two pairs of shorts, pair of jeans, and other emergency sets of clothes. For supplies, I just changed my infusion set this morning so I need to change my infusion set on Monday and possibly Thursday morning, but I should have enough insulin in my pump for when I leave Early Thursday morning to landing home at 10:00 AM, so that means I need 4 set changes and two full bottles of insulin. Assuming I test myself over the course of the 6 days 10 times a day I need 200 test strips. Oh don't forget the back up CGM and tape and repacking fresh lancets (seriously I have like 20).
It is a hazard for me to plan trips and pack. I always over plan and am ready for anything. I mean I looked at the weather and saw it was going to be 80 all week. Yet I still am thinking sweaters and hoodies. The thunder storms are new, but I have a poncho and a rain coat packed.
Oh wait sandals, flip flops, and sneakers. How many? Yet I only have the one belt on my jeans to travel with today.
It is the weirdest thing. I am consciously trying to get myself to plan/pack less. I know I don't need all the stuff I want to bring, yet I can't seem to help myself. I will pack it nicely and well, not forgetting my murse of course. Which will be overflowing with all of my supplies needed for each day.
Technically there is nothing wrong with my thinking, planning, and rationale. This is all good and planned out. Yet do I need it all?? Probably not. Will my back hate me? Yeah, but as long as I am under 50 lbs. its all good I guess. The CDO or Boy Scouts have ruined me. Why can't I just travel with enough to get by or not worry about this stuff so much?? Oh well, need to finish packing my 14 pairs of long underwear just in case....
This morning I was getting ready for my trip down to Florida where I will have the opportunity to see not sea although maybe I might dump her in that.... Sara. Just kidding about the sea part, not the see part. Oh I kill myself some mornings. It must be the pre-6:00 AM wake and subsequent Diet Pepsi's. Well I am going for a week to Disney, which I am super excited about. First time using my time share, so yeah. Well in getting ready I realized that I needed snacks both for low's and well because I am cheap or frugal when it comes to buying snacks on site. Enter my trip to Target, never go while low or hungry.
This is what I bought for my 6 day adventure. $40 worth of food and supplies. I have the Jumbo Mallows for if I get low, low. And they are easy to pack and pop. Fruit Roll-ups are just in case I don't want to get completely stared at for eating a giant marshmallow by the guy eating the even more huge TURKEY LEG. Than I have PB&J granola bars, Kashi pumpkin and flax granola bars and Nature Valley Granola Thins (80 calories and 11 grams of carbs, I'm in), all for six days. Oh, and the nuts and raisins to make some trail mix packs. ALL FOR 6 DAYS!!! I mean seriously, what is wrong with me??
I am quite amused by this entire prospect and well it's not just food that I do this to/for. I have the Mio for drinks, I stopped myself from buying additional Crystal Light to go's since my backpack still has some from my last trip already packed (like 10 of them). But it's funny how it happens. I mean lets show you my packing math. I am going to Florida for 6 days. So that means I should have 7 t-shirts and under t-shirts, 10 pairs of boxer shorts and socks, two pairs of shorts, pair of jeans, and other emergency sets of clothes. For supplies, I just changed my infusion set this morning so I need to change my infusion set on Monday and possibly Thursday morning, but I should have enough insulin in my pump for when I leave Early Thursday morning to landing home at 10:00 AM, so that means I need 4 set changes and two full bottles of insulin. Assuming I test myself over the course of the 6 days 10 times a day I need 200 test strips. Oh don't forget the back up CGM and tape and repacking fresh lancets (seriously I have like 20).
It is a hazard for me to plan trips and pack. I always over plan and am ready for anything. I mean I looked at the weather and saw it was going to be 80 all week. Yet I still am thinking sweaters and hoodies. The thunder storms are new, but I have a poncho and a rain coat packed.
Oh wait sandals, flip flops, and sneakers. How many? Yet I only have the one belt on my jeans to travel with today.
It is the weirdest thing. I am consciously trying to get myself to plan/pack less. I know I don't need all the stuff I want to bring, yet I can't seem to help myself. I will pack it nicely and well, not forgetting my murse of course. Which will be overflowing with all of my supplies needed for each day.
Technically there is nothing wrong with my thinking, planning, and rationale. This is all good and planned out. Yet do I need it all?? Probably not. Will my back hate me? Yeah, but as long as I am under 50 lbs. its all good I guess. The CDO or Boy Scouts have ruined me. Why can't I just travel with enough to get by or not worry about this stuff so much?? Oh well, need to finish packing my 14 pairs of long underwear just in case....
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Tangled (Not the movie)
So the picture from yesterday's blog post of my tubing tied to my hoodie was pretty much the epitome of the days of well not frustration I have had, but just the days I have had.
For me, while I have had my ups and downs in my life lately with D. In the course of a month I have had two visits from ambulances due to ninja lows. That sucked ass, there was the low the following night after the first visit with the cool kids in the ambulance, you know the sweat drenched low that you wake up to at 3:00 in the morning, not to mention the realization that you now have to do the laundry.
Otherwise, to me D and I have been living our lives quite well. The thing though is that in our life even when things are "great" and we have had some #nohitters or "awesome" a1c's. The internal struggle the infernal frustration is still there. There is the line from Sir Walter Scott "Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive." That pretty much sums everything up in a nutshell. (oh dear, I just realized I forgot to properly space a paragraph.... be right back.)
This is not supposed to turn into anything angsty or depressing and I hope I don't wander in that direction. The thing is even when we are on top of things, even when all is good. There is no one way to live a day of D without problems. I know there are people out there who are super regimented in what they do. This is a fake quote btw.... "I wake up every morning and eat one cup of cheerios with 1/2 cup of milk for x carbs. I take x amount of insulin to cover everything. For lunch it is the 2 slices of wonder bread with 4 slices of turkey and a piece of lettuce with 8 pringles for x carbs. I take x amount of insulin to cover it. For dinner I have a 1/4lb chicken leg with 1 cup of broccoli and a glass of milk for x carbs. I take x amount of insulin to cover it. That is all I eat, I log, I bolus and I never ever go low. My diabetes is in complete control." You know what bullshit.
How is ones diabetes in complete control when it consumes your life. I cannot eat that or it will throw everything off. I can't do that it is not in my plan. You know what you are right. Your diabetes is in control. Not the control you think though. It is running your life it has taken control of the food you eat, the snacks you want, the drinks you drink. How can you live your life like that?? (If this is what you do, I apologize for my snarkiness.) On some level your life is a lie. You are deceiving yourself that you have everything in control. What do you do if you only have 3/4 cup of cheerios due to some mix up in your planning or you can't eat your turkey because it went bad on you? Than what? What if you want to eat the yummy peanut butter cup or Reese's Egg?? Now who is in control??
We lie to ourselves all the time whether our D is super regimented or we are lax at times in our treatment. I mean yes, I test my blood sugar all the time. Yes I bolus for what I eat, except for the periodic stop at DD and get coerced into a doughnut and forget about said doughnut. My a1c says that things are great for me, and you know what I agree with that 75% of the time. I also realize that I have lied to myself. Gotten tangled in the proverbial tubing. I don't always use the carb function on my pump and I really should. (That's what got me in trouble a few times in the past.) I don't always want to learn from my mistakes, even though I can.
The thing is that for each of us we do different things to take care of our D. Whether we are super regimented with no changes in our routine or all over the place. The thing that we need to remember though is that we can't deceive ourselves in either direction. Yes, our D is in control. Yes I have this. Or maybe, I need to be more aware of not eating this or testing more. There is always more we could be doing. The thing to remember though is that even though D can get tangled up in our lives on all levels from tubing to eating. We need to be in control and not let it control us. We need to be able to splurge and eat that cupcake or peanut butter cup. Yet we also need to be aware of when we should or can eat said item and when we should wait for the blood sugar to go back down.
The events of the past few weeks have left me a little shaken on my own stability front of being aware of and catching my lows. Yet at the same time, they did give me something to be aware of. The things that I need to be doing, handling, and treating. Each of us faces D a little differently. Yet we must face it and control it. Not let it control us.
(Steps off soapbox)....
 |
| You get the smaller version today. |
Otherwise, to me D and I have been living our lives quite well. The thing though is that in our life even when things are "great" and we have had some #nohitters or "awesome" a1c's. The internal struggle the infernal frustration is still there. There is the line from Sir Walter Scott "Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive." That pretty much sums everything up in a nutshell. (oh dear, I just realized I forgot to properly space a paragraph.... be right back.)
This is not supposed to turn into anything angsty or depressing and I hope I don't wander in that direction. The thing is even when we are on top of things, even when all is good. There is no one way to live a day of D without problems. I know there are people out there who are super regimented in what they do. This is a fake quote btw.... "I wake up every morning and eat one cup of cheerios with 1/2 cup of milk for x carbs. I take x amount of insulin to cover everything. For lunch it is the 2 slices of wonder bread with 4 slices of turkey and a piece of lettuce with 8 pringles for x carbs. I take x amount of insulin to cover it. For dinner I have a 1/4lb chicken leg with 1 cup of broccoli and a glass of milk for x carbs. I take x amount of insulin to cover it. That is all I eat, I log, I bolus and I never ever go low. My diabetes is in complete control." You know what bullshit.
How is ones diabetes in complete control when it consumes your life. I cannot eat that or it will throw everything off. I can't do that it is not in my plan. You know what you are right. Your diabetes is in control. Not the control you think though. It is running your life it has taken control of the food you eat, the snacks you want, the drinks you drink. How can you live your life like that?? (If this is what you do, I apologize for my snarkiness.) On some level your life is a lie. You are deceiving yourself that you have everything in control. What do you do if you only have 3/4 cup of cheerios due to some mix up in your planning or you can't eat your turkey because it went bad on you? Than what? What if you want to eat the yummy peanut butter cup or Reese's Egg?? Now who is in control??
We lie to ourselves all the time whether our D is super regimented or we are lax at times in our treatment. I mean yes, I test my blood sugar all the time. Yes I bolus for what I eat, except for the periodic stop at DD and get coerced into a doughnut and forget about said doughnut. My a1c says that things are great for me, and you know what I agree with that 75% of the time. I also realize that I have lied to myself. Gotten tangled in the proverbial tubing. I don't always use the carb function on my pump and I really should. (That's what got me in trouble a few times in the past.) I don't always want to learn from my mistakes, even though I can.
The thing is that for each of us we do different things to take care of our D. Whether we are super regimented with no changes in our routine or all over the place. The thing that we need to remember though is that we can't deceive ourselves in either direction. Yes, our D is in control. Yes I have this. Or maybe, I need to be more aware of not eating this or testing more. There is always more we could be doing. The thing to remember though is that even though D can get tangled up in our lives on all levels from tubing to eating. We need to be in control and not let it control us. We need to be able to splurge and eat that cupcake or peanut butter cup. Yet we also need to be aware of when we should or can eat said item and when we should wait for the blood sugar to go back down.
The events of the past few weeks have left me a little shaken on my own stability front of being aware of and catching my lows. Yet at the same time, they did give me something to be aware of. The things that I need to be doing, handling, and treating. Each of us faces D a little differently. Yet we must face it and control it. Not let it control us.
(Steps off soapbox)....
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