I Concede

Today I have conceded defeat to the Wego Health Daily Blog challenge. This weekend kicked my butt all over the place, I was without internet most of Sunday and I just could not consign myself to following directions anymore. So I throw in the towel. (crumple, crumple, pleh,) That's the sound towels make. HAHAHA, I know it's the pleh that gets me too.

I enjoyed the prompts and hints. I liked having direction for my blog, but my other medical issue, BSOS can only be contained for so long. (Bright Shiny Object Syndrome). I did my best to stay on target, yet if you know me I can only do that for so long. So I am back to my aimless blogging/wandering at least until I find some other band wagon to jump on.

Recently, I have been making in roads on two things diabetes related. The first is the low blood sugars that attack me all the time. I have been a little more aware of things that seem to harass me, so I am handling them better. Plus the night time lows. I eat a Reese's Egg before I go to sleep if I am sub 100. That seems to deal with any IOB issues that I have been facing as I drift off to sleep. Plus when I wake up in the morning, I can now go to the gym (another things I have started again) without needing to guzzle OJ or something else. This is good.  I am happy with this. Maybe my lows will stabilize and I can stop worrying about this junk.

Also other things that have been going through my head.... Well when I don't have a brain fart. Speaking of "Brain Farts" I stumbled upon this article on Yahoo today, which helped me not feel so spacey when I do have the brain farts. Read them all, but especially number 1 on doors.

"Do you ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind — to get something, perhaps? — only to completely forget what that purpose was?  Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses. Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an "event boundary" in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next, just as exiting through a doorway signals the end of a scene in a movie. Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room, and prepares a blank slate for the new locale. Mental event boundaries usually help us organize our thoughts and memories as we move through the continuous and dynamic world, but when we're trying to remember that thing we came in here to do… or get… or maybe find… they can be frustrating indeed." How weird is that?!?

Lately, I have been looking at my exercise routine and finding out that I do seem to enjoy riding my bike. This leads me to the next jump of trying to get a better bike for my needs. I love the one I am riding now, but it is just not the right fit for me. So I am trying to sell that bike and buy a new one. If I do this, I need to justify the expense of buying a new bike. The best way to do that is to consider a Diabetes related bike event. You know where I am going here. Do I try to do a Tour de Cure or just laugh and hide from that concept completely? There are some coming up in June, but I have so much going on right now, that I worry I won't have the time to really commit. However, there is one in September, yet I am somewhat terrified of the concept and idea. I mean do I do the 35, the 62.3 or go all out with the 100? I don't know. I need to really sit down and think about this. I mean 100 miles scares the dung right out of me and well that is alot of training. I wanted to ride my bike to my parents house 1 day, that is like 50 miles, but going it alone on some of those Highways is very freaky. The Tour at least has some bailout room. I just need to man up and make a decision soon. 

This is what I have going on right now. Some good things on the table and other more annoying things. Also, I have been thinking about my blog design/layout/setup. I want to do some overhauls, but I don't think Blogger is really fit for what I am thinking of. This leads me to look at other blogging sites and what to do from there. Not to mention I have 50 really awesome business cards that I would have completely wasted if I did this. AHHHHHHH so many thoughts. 

This is why I threw in the towel. Not because I am lazy.

Day 26: Health Tagline

It's funny, my creative juices work whenever I am thinking. Yet when I try to put them to work, work it never happens. I guess it is partially because I thrive on the moment. When the moment is not here, I struggle to come up with something that could be clever, weird, or just me. So even though I am starting writing this post at 11:00 AM, I have no promises how long it will take me to come up with an idea or topic for today's blog post. I have one, but it seems to simple, so we'll see what happens with that one. Anyway, here is today's prompt.

Health tagline. Give yourself, your blog, your condition, or some aspect of your health a tagline. Make sure it’s catchy!

 I was thinking along the lines of "I can eat this..." or "It has nothing to do with my past eating habits..." or even "There is no good/bad kind of diabetes..." Instead the one thing that my mind kept coming back to me was this one. 

While I am not the best artist. I think this was a pretty decent effort on my part. Anyone, yeah this is all I have for today. Peace out and if you don't like the art, I just did it for chips and pringles. 

Day 25: 3rd Person Post

So I missed out on Day 24, so now I am a day behind. Yesterday was a busy and stressful day that I can't talk about. Not that it is embargoed or anything. However, due to other reasons and I am not talking about it yet. Yesterday was a good day to "skip" though. How many people really need to get linked to Sprinkles the DOC Unicorn anyway??

Oh wait, Day 24 is now done. BONUS!!!

So Day 25 calls for a 3rd person perspective on a memory that Brian has. My philosophy is that well I can do that. In fact let me give you a look at yesterday.

Write about a memory you have but describe it  using the third person. Use as many sensory images (sights, sounds, textures, etc) as you can. Don’t use “I” or “me” unless you include dialogue. 

(Pan in on Brian sitting at his text, happily reading some diabetes related blogs, when someone else enters his office.)

Brian is asked, "Do you have a moment, I need to talk to you about something?" The immediate response is in the affirmative.

After relaying the news/story or gossip, looking at Brian's face there is some shock, acknowledgement, and if one is really good about reading his body language the look of, (#$$@#$@#$*@#$*#@* @#$*@#$* #$@$*@#!!!!!!!!) Is all over his face. The previously warm office has gotten a little colder. The melody of the birds singing, has gone from musical to a shrill screeching. 

He looks calm, he seems to be taking the news ok, but that is not what is going on. In his head, Brian very well may be thinking about other less panic inducing things, yet he can't be. The forgotten blog stares at him from his desktop as Brian starts to ask questions. Answers are given and he starts to look a little more calm. The phone rings, Brian looks at the person in his office and at the phone. Looks at the person again and says, please I am expecting a phone call hold on one second. You hear Brian talking to the receptionist, torn between taking the phone call that needs to be taken or continue the conversation with the person in his office. 

Finally, Brian makes the decision and says, "I need to take this call. Please give me a moment." Now the second weird conversation of the day happens. This one is even more bizarre than the first conversation. One can see Brian looking around trying to figure out how to answer these questions, almost looking at his office window contemplating an escape...... Yet there is no escape, so he finishes the phone call and moves back to the person in his office. 

As odd as it seems, the phone call has managed to calm Brian down a little bit. He sees that he can handle what he was just told. Granted if one were to look at his face or read his mind you would still see, (%^&%*%$%^$%!^@$^%$#$^!) going through his head. But he seems fine, at least for now. 

Brian can take this news like a champ, because weirder things have happened. No matter the stress he faces in real life, he knows that if he can handle his life as person with type 1 diabetes, he can handle anything thrown at him. Even if he wants to jump out of his office window.  

Day 23: Writers Choice: Why I write

Once again today is another writer's choice. I like the freebie days, granted I did not necessarily always follow the prompts completely myself. So I choose my prompt to reflect upon one of the early sign up bonus topics. This topic or choice was:

I keep writing because… Start your post with this sentence and, as the title says, keep writing. Free write for 15 minutes without stopping and see where it takes you.

I keep writing because no matter how much information is out there. There are always going to be more questions than answers. I keep writing because in my own small way I am making a difference, even if it is just to bring a smile to someone's face. I keep writing because I want to.

These statements are only the beginning of why I write. When I started this blog I did not know what direction things would go. Who would read or ignore me. So I just went with my own way of thinking. To this day it seems to have been quite successful. I have posts that people love and those that people miss or I completely miss. 

I do this because I want to. It is not a job, even though the month challenge has become a sort of job. I do it because it gives me a chance to vent my own fears, frustrations, and challenges, knowing others have felt this way before. I do it because the comments of others help me most of the time. While I know that on some level I am helping those who read what I write. 

I do this because maybe one day something that I write does make a huge difference in the world. Maybe it is a post that might be circulated around the world for all people to see and read. To realize the facts and struggles that all of us face day after day. Maybe it could one day be that post that makes people realize that exercise and eating well will not cure us. Maybe the misconceptions can be cleared up in a world where the right information is at the fingertips of those who actively seek it and don't fall prey to stereotypes. This is why I keep writing.

My blog is just that my blog. Yes sometimes I will sell myself out... wait no I won't but if the right offer comes along.... :-p 

No my blog is my own and it goes in the direction I tell it. Not the other way around. I do this because it is where I need to be. Plus now that I have all of these business cards, I need to keep writing for a while, just to make it worth the money I spent on them...

No but seriously I write as I said before, because there are people facing some major struggles in their lives and if anything I may right on purpose or accidentally helps them. Well my job is done. This is why I write.  

Day 22: Never Forget

Today's blog post was interesting. I really wanted to do more, however I got distracted by work and stuff like that. Whoops. But here is today's blog prompt.

The Things We Forget. Visit http://thingsweforget.blogspot.com/ and make your own version of a short memo reminder. Where would you post it?

This is key. I would hang it everywhere truthfully. Most likely by my blood glucose meter though, for the days I am really frustrated. We all need to hang up sticky notes at some point. 

Day 21: Madlibs

Oh this was to much fun. Although it never makes any sense. Nothing like a fun easy Saturday prompt.

I giggled at some of this. I have no shame.

Health Madlib Poem. Go to : http://languageisavirus.com/cgi-bin/madlibs.pl and fill in the parts of speech and the site will generate a poem for you. Feel free to post the Madlib or edit it to make it better.

Happy cat's Happy cat

very i have never run, much beyond
any mouse, your gas can have their Wise:
in your most smart brother are things which jog me,
or which i cannot pronounce because they are too now

your crazy look acidentally will unhit me
though i have dance myself as horse,
you trounce always ipod by ipod myself as laptop wager
(flushing there, probably) her lucky tie

or if your penguin be to sink me, i and
my vest will walk very easily, well,
as when the pot of this mouse sleep
the coffee highly everywhere triping;

nothing which we are to fly in this car cure
the cupcake of your blessed unicorn: whose peanut butter
help me with the chocolate of its puppy,
existing sandwich and pool with each sweeping

(i do not tangle what it is about you that eat
and buckle; only something in me swim
the ice cream cone of your gas can is short than all laptop)
cow, not even the sister, has such large igloo

- Brian & e.e. cummings

Day 20: "Miracle Cure"

Today's blog prompt really had me torn. I mean I talk about diabetes and would love a cure. Yet at the same time, to actually "write" the article about the cure coming to fruition would seem obscene. There are better writers and people out there to even begin to address the "cure". So I was torn to sarcast this bad boy up or just have fun. Regardless today's blog prompt was:

Miracle Cure. Write a news-style article on a miracle cure. What’s the cure? How do you get the cure? Be sure to include a disclaimer ;) 

Oh and I can't believe I was asked to include a disclaimer. I guess just to make sure people realize this is not true. I can do that I write amazing disclaimers, I truly do. 

***Breaking News***

This just in.... There are stories out of Kansas City, Missouri, not Kansas since I am told that town is nothing compared with its Missouri counterpart. After years of research, the JDRF is able to announce without a doubt that they have found the cure to type-1 diabetes. There were doubts at first that this cure could come about, yet today they have proof. Jenny the lab rat who was reportedly cured last year can be seen in the hands of J. Cobblesworth, the first person cured by this new type-1 drug. J. was noticeably shocked as she stood there smiling. The first words out of her mouth, "I woke up this morning and tested and my sugar was 101, I had a cupcake for breakfast, I have always wanted to do that. I followed that with a HUGE glass of orange juice. That was it. No injecting, not mental math. Just eat. Twenty minutes later I tested my sugar 104!!!! WTF, I have NEVER has that happen. Heck even when I tried to plan out my boluses I would still spike for a bit. It was awesome." 

This miraculous cure was financed by the JDRF with a substantial grant from the "You Can Do This Project" and their founder Kimpants. "This cure has taken us a long time to get here, but I am so glad to have been able to help fund this project." The cure comes about by eating a cupcake laced with the proper hormones that basically jump start ones pancreas to start creating the insulin hormone. The technical details are so much more than this, but this is just the quick explanation. Keep an eye on wikipedia, I am sure they will have an answer to the science side of this eventually." 

Why eat a cupcake to get the cure?? Why not.

The cure will take some time to bring into fruition for others. The process of baking the perfect cupcake does take time. However, in the end this cure will bring an end to the suffering of the many in the world affected by this harsh illness. For more information please go to .......

DISCLAIMER As it stands right now this is "article" is a work of pure fiction. While many people wish it was true, we are not there yet. Although a cupcake inspired cure would be awesome. I doubt that will happen. In my lifetime there could be a cure, but as of now we are still years away. I am sorry for this. I wish I had a true answer and article about the cure. One day, hopefully sooner rather than later it will happen. Hang in there. Know we are there for you always. Brian and the DOC.

Day 19: 5 Dinner Guests

This is a truly intimidating post. Imagine if the people I put on my list actually came to a dinner with me?? Eeep.

Day 19: Who are 5 people you’d love to have dinner with (living or deceased) and why?

1.) Pope John Paul II - I can't explain why, but I think partially that he musta had a wicked sense of humor at times and it would be awesome to see. Plus he just has that aura of calm and happiness that I sometimes seek in my life. 

2.) J.R. Tolkien - The man wrote some amazing books that became great movies as well. Not to mention his own unique view of the world could give me so much insight into questions that I have. 

3.) Steve Jobs - If nothing else to get him to buy.... Haha, just kidding. With all of the stories circulating since his passing and stuff like that, it would be interesting to talk to him about his own desires, beliefs, and just how his style of management could be something that worked for me, without the corporate ousting and stuff like that.

4.) Andy Pettite - I know this is a weird one. However, for a man who had such a strong faith and one who did so much, he just seems like he would be an interesting down to earth person to talk to. About life, about goals, and faith. I have always admired him as a person and pitcher. He just seems like he would be a good role model to learn from.

5.) Jesus - Although the living/deceased part could confuse some people. Why? Do I really need to explain why? I hope not. If nothing else, not that I need justification in my work/faith/belief it could truly serve to renew my own desires and hopes for my ministry.

Day 18: My writing style

Soo.... I readily admit that this is not today's prompt. However, I was just to busy on Sunday to actually write said prompt and enjoy the process. Yet, there was a small part of me who wanted to write this suggestion anyway. So Sunday has become Wednesday, for me.

Day15/18: What’s your writing style? Do words just flow from your mind to your fingertips? Do you like handwriting first? Do you plan your posts? Title first or last? Where do you write best? 

My writing style is stream of conscious. I just type and write. What I think tends to be typed right away. From mind to hands. It usually flows alright, although sometimes I do hit potholes and speed bumps along the way. That's all good though for me. I will pause and think about what I wrote and amend where needed. Every once in awhile I may make major strategy changes or edits along the way. This usually happens when as I am rambling in my own blog, I hit on something that because the central point of what I wanted to blog about. It works for me. 


STYLE, STYLE though, my blog is me and my thoughts and musings, which means that I write what I think. I am a sarcastic person, I know big shocker, so with that being the case, sarcasm slips into my own writings. I tend to be corny, so yes there are some big ass ears of corn in my writing. I do have a twisted sense of humor, which thankfully does not make it past my "dirty comment" buffer most of the time. 


If I were to hand write my blog, I would still be trying to translate my first post from Brian to English. Most of my posts are only planned in as much as I am going to write about life with diabetes or post weird pictures and the like. After that it is truly the whims of my own mind. The title usually comes first, however I may hit something hard as I am writing, so I change my title to reflect that topic. 


Where do I write best?? Well for me it is in the window from blogspot. Otherwise I would keep posting blank posts.... Oh where is my favorite spot to write on? My butt.... Ok, seriously. I don't have a "best" spot. Anyplace where it is me and my nuttiness, is where I write the best. 


Updated: It has come to my attention that lazy ass forgot to hit publish yesterday and never posted this blog yesterday. He just saved it and ran out of his office. What an idiot. So once I finish today's post you get a twofer.

Day 17: The Hard Way

Today's blog post topic was an interesting one, I really liked the thought process and the prompt of: Learned the Hard Way. What’s a lesson you learned the hard way? Write about it for 15 today.

The thought of a lesson that I have learned the hard way can go in many different directions. Was it the right vs. wrong way to take care of myself? Was it the realization of how I should and shouldn't make fun of my short friends? Was it the realization that not all people like sarcasm? I can't really pinpoint where I should go. However, seeing as how I am blogging about diabetes and sharing experiences and possibly wisdom, I guess I should talk about the right vs. wrong way of taking care of ones diabetes.

I am not going to lie and say I was perfect and that I was always in control. Because, well that would be a complete lie. Instead, I can tell you where I was post diagnosis. For me post diagnosis things started out fine for awhile. I was a Freshman in High School and my dad made sure I did everything right. For the longest time I did. I tested, I ate the required amount of exchanges and everything I was supposed to do. Things were good. As time went on and my parents kinda forgot or let things slide, so to did my own care. I did not like to test, why? I have no idea. It wasn't the pain, it wasn't the site of blood. Maybe it was the longest MINUTE ever. So I only tested when I was being watched. I always gave myself the same amounts of insulin, although over time I did increase my amounts to cover my own desire to get a low a1c, sub 6.4 usually. Yet I was not really seeing the big picture. I only knew that my a1c was in the "good job range". I made up numbers in my log.

I did that throughout High School and college was pretty much the same, other than some small pharmacy quirks I did the same thing. I had my good a1c's. Did I have a few BAD hypo's yes. That was my own stupidity, because I never really took ownership of my diabetes. I figured 360 good days and 5 bad days is fine. Not like I was ever really in the hospital or anything. Just a freaked out room mate 3 times and one very interesting ambulance ride.

So I made it through college, still not learning a lesson or how to really care for my diabetes. I was just terrified of the negative consequences of high blood sugars. Did you know that lows can be just as bad? Well lets think about some of those. There was the time when I sprained my ankle falling down the stairs when my legs dropped out from under me due to a low. There was the flat tire when I hit a curb due to a low. Working in a bank, there was the time my drawer was short $200 because I made a mistake when I was low. (I thankfully sorted that one out and found the lost money.) For me there were no "real" experiences that taught me I was treating anything wrong. Who needed to test?!? Again 5 bad days in a year so to speak I think was pretty good. My endo. had no clue as my "numbers" in the book were great and the a1c at that point was sub 6.0.

When I really learned my lesson, was maybe about 5 years ago. I had a low while driving. I did some nasty damage to my car. It was out of commission for almost two months for repairs. Thankfully no one was hurt, but it could have been real bad. I don't remember much of that day. I still have random flashes of events. The things I do remember is "waking up" in my car with a police office outside the window yelling at me. Asking me questions and throwing accusations at me. I was still to befuddled at first to figure out why he was yelling. I realized later he thought I was drunk. After a minute or two of him "talking" to me, I was able to get out the fact I was a diabetic. He called for an ambulance. They showed up and brought me off to the hospital. I waited for my parents to come. I was freaking out mentally.

That was my wake up call. I realized that there was something that needed to be done. I needed to figure out this illness. I began to realize how many lows I was probably having, but due to my hypo unawareness, I never caught them. The damage I had done to my body as far as I know was not much. At least right now I think all is good. But it could have been worse. In my however, many years of neglect, I was open to such damage and danger and I did not know it. I took my illness for granted so to speak. Since I was always "fine" why worry. What an idiot. This story was edited for content, but this is the bare bones. I can always go more in depth at a later time.

However, that wake up call made a huge impact on me. I started to be an active person in dealing with my life with diabetes. I started trying to test more often. Food and nutrition and that junk happened later. I went on an insulin pump and cgm, that made a huge difference. I found friends and the Diabetes Online Community. That made a difference. Am I perfect? By no means. Yet, I am better, I am trying harder and learning from my mistakes. There is room to grow, but I am awake now and always trying. So I learned my lesson on most days. The thing is, that diabetes will not go away. Either overcaring or undercaring for yourself is not a good thing. We need to work on it and give our treatment its due diligence.

Day 16: Liberty in My Happy Place

So I am halfway through this Health Advocates Writers Monthly Challenge blogging thing. I took yesterday off, which I kinda regret, because I think I would have had fun with the topic or choice that was presented to me, in blogging about my own writing style. I may wander back to that if some of the blog topics don't fit my model.

Technically today, I could do that, because well I just did not feel the urge to create a pin board or whatever the prompt was today. Instead, I am going to take one of my "early bird" registration prompts and use that in its stead.

Today's prompt is now.... Happy Place. When you need an escape from your condition where do you imagine yourself? Close your eyes and go to your happy place – then describe the sights, sounds, scents, and feelings.

I love the idea of a happy place. A place where I can just sit back relax and enjoy stuff. This happy place of my imagination has been in existence for soooo long. It came into fruition when I started reading the books of Mercedes Lackey, a pretty awesome fantasy writer, back when I used to have to ride my bike to a local book store. You know, when Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Borders (gone), Waldenbooks (gone), were not household names.  Anyway, in one of her series of books in her Valdemar series. She talks about the Hawkbrother Vale. 

Basically it is an outdoor environment that is always warm in climate with huge trees big enough to build houses in and hot springs. My small explanation does not do this justice. I say this now. These purported vales are magical in nature and just plain awesomeness. So from these images, my imagination took over and I created my own happy place, so to speak. 

My place was off in the middle of the forest, where there were beautiful hot and cold springs with waterfalls and just the ideal nature setting. Green wildlife wild animals peacefully walking around and well me chilling in the hot springs resting, relaxing, and eating strawberries. Who doesn't eat strawberries in a hot spring, I mean come on. 

So this is pretty much my happy place. My ability or inability to truly classify it and the images I see in my mind are truly just because to  me, they are ever growing, expanding, and a true figment of my imagination. Yet the thing is, in all of my imagining and thoughts my diabetes is not there. My friends may pop in or not. Yet, when I need to relax this is what I may think about. Why? Because it is so nice. I liken the image to a place that I could hike to when I was younger, granted I could still hike there now, it is just over an hours drive away. A place barely touched by human hands, with running water. Still amazing. I truly love the nature ideas and concepts. They have always been fun in my mind and well places that I will not forget. 

When I was younger as well, I used to work at a summer camp. Some mornings, I would get up early and sit on the porch to the dining hall looking at the lake. That was amazing. Again, it was another way to bring about peace of mind and to bring me to a happy place. Truly, nature can be that for me now still. I just never have the time to do that. But I guess I need to work on it, to find my happy place.  

Day 14: Dream Day

Today's prompt was a good one to think about, especially from my own perspective. I know this is something many of us dbloggers dream about, talk about, and hope for one day. 

Describe your ideal day. How would you spend your time? Who would you spend it with? Have you had this day? If not – how could you make it happen?

What is my dream day? While I am not normally the one to fall prey to the typical stereotypes and answers that people would expect. Today, I think I am. Could I have made an amazingly awesome day with friends and family on an enchanted island relaxing in the sun, without fear of sunburn and the water being awesomely warm. (I SO WANT THAT). I am not going to do that.

Today, I am going to go with the flow and be the stereotype. 

My dream day, would have to either be the day I wake up and know that a cure has been found for type 1 diabetes and that my life can go back to being "normal" without some of the fears that I have had in my life. It would not be the imagined "cure" in 5 years, that have been the longest 5 years in my life. But a day where the fictitious cure has happened. That would be an awesome day.

However, seeing as how that day is years and years away. I am going to just ask for a one day cure. That would be truly amazing for me. Waking up when I want, if I want to drinking a huge glass of OJ without needing to think about the carbs and everything associated with what I need to do. That would be great. Taking a shower with NOTHING attached to me and not worrying about accidentally scrubbing it off (I take long hot showers adhesive has been known to come lose). That would be an awesome day.

It would be great to be able to go for a run and not have to pregorge myself on OJ so that halfway through the run my sugars do not take me low and make me leery about my making it back to my abode. To be able to go and play basketball (which I suck at horribly) or Ultimate Frisbee and not have to worry about people getting tangled in my exposed tubing or smacking myself black and blue when I run with my various bits and pieces attached to me (pump and dexcom). That would be a dream day.

My dream day would involve fun and relaxation. It might involve some time at the beach or at a pool without people staring at the Dexcom sensor on my side or the infusion set coming out of me somewhere. Going swimming and just well swimming. That would be a dream day.

Who would be with me? Well that is obvious my friends. I don't need any famous people. My friends are famous enough for me and well awesome enough that I could care less about any superstars. To be able sit down and gorge on Reese's Peanut Butter Cups with Sara. To eat amazing cupcakes with Jess and Kim all day long telling corny jokes. To make fun of my "sister" C as she turns all sorts of red as we trade jokes and talk about her recent misadventures with the tp shredding hell hound. And of course, because I love her so much (only slight sarcasm) sit there trying to see how long it takes for Kerri to flip me off or try not to say anything completely offensive to me as I taunt her.

This would be a truly amazing day. The funny thing is on some level this day has happened and will keep happening. I have hung out with all of these people. We have swam together gorged together, made fun of each other, flipped me off together. I know it will happen again in just a few months. It can happen and is amazing. We are able to put diabetes "on hold" for awhile yet it is still there. We hear it in the random beeps and buzzes of people. We see it in the finger pricks and tests as people do what they need to do. We know it by the claim of "I need regular coke or OJ NOW." We know it in the "100 sweet" or the "37.... Brian really, eat something, just not frosting or I will try to make you throw it up."

These days have happened, even with the loomingness of diabetes hanging out with me. It would just be awesome to one day have that day without the Big Gorilla in the room taunting me. That would be an even dreamier day.
 

Day 13: 10 Things I can't live without

So apparently I need to come up with a top 10 list of things I couldn't live with out. I am going to modify this because my mind goes into two categories, food or tech. Both of them I could easily fill up 10 spots and frankly I am not about to choose between my number 1's.

So food:

10.) Bacon (I may be a vegetarian, but the smell makes me happy)
9.) Celery (Yummy empty food)
8.) Cupcakes (They are awesome, 'nuff said)
7.) Orange Juice (Helps me in a rush, when embarrassing lows make me blush)
6.) Tomato Soup (Is so great, I could slurp it from a plate)
5.) Cheese (So many types, so many flavors, I would cut you all with my real light saber)
4.) Peanut Butter (I could eat you with a spoon, underneath a bright full moon)
3.) Chocolate (If only they made sugar free that did not make me have to do the opposite of pee)
2.) Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (See the other day)
1.) Pizza (Do I really need to explain this? See also cheese)

I must apologize for the weird rhyme, it truly must be a crime... Crap there I go again.

So tech:

10.) Google Hangouts (While these could be higher on the list, I am sticking it here you all get the gist).
9.) TV (While I don't use it often, when I need it, it knows what to do)
8.) iPod (Keeps me going when I run or else things would not be fun)
7) Alarm Clock (While not essential, I would not be able to wake up some most mornings without it)
6) Kindle (Gotta read)
5.) USB Contour Meter (Without you my life would suck)
4.) Dexcom (Gives me a clue as to what I should do)
3.) Insulin Pump (Keeps me alive)
2.) Laptop (Keeps me out of trouble.... HAHAHA, no seriously)
1.) Cell phone (Need to keep in touch with you all)

There are so many other things that could go on this list, but I was made to choose, so yeah. This is what I got.

Day 12: Stream of Conscious Day

Alright, I am not going to lie. When I saw this topic I immediately said to myself (close your eyes if you are younger than 15) "Oh fuck, I don't know if I can trust myself to be good in this post." Stream of thought, stream of conscious is never a good thing for me. I dig holes faster than I can get out of them sometimes and well yeah. We'll see what happens. Hope I don't offend anyone today.

"So we challenge you, start with this phrase: “Today I looked in the mirror and…” (Or another sentence you come across.) But sure to – Keep writing. Don’t stop for 15 minutes. Don’t edit. Post. Go!"

Today I looked in the mirror and notice something funny. Yeah, that's right  noticed me staring right back at me. Granted I had yet to put my contacts in or shave, but I saw myself staring back at me. I was half groggily smiling, which I think is good based upon the 5 hours of sleep I got last night. I blame the new books I have been reading. Psion Beta and Psion Gamma by Jacob Gawons really good. The second book I started and almost finished last night, whoops. So I am tired. However that is okay. My lack of sleep does not affect what I see in the mirror when I look at myself.

I see Brian, I see a sense of humor, I see a person. I do not see a person with type 1 diabetes. I do not see a person who has issues with this illness. I see me. A unique individual. Which is what I should be seeing. I am a person with diabetes, however, i try not to let this affect me. Yes, there are days when I want to scream, to yell, to use language even worse from what I typed above. Yet, I do not. Not because I don't want to. It is because I try my hardest to not let the illness define me. This can be soooo hard somedays. Usually, those days are the ones when I have THAT low or that HIGH that is just playing royal havoc with my entire day, week, life. Those are the days when I sigh and curse to myself. (Again I can curse enough to make a sailor blush). 

I cannot let my diabetes define me. Maybe yes shape part of who I am and who I have become, but not who I am. Dealing with this chronic illness can be difficult. It can lead one to be really depressed, overwhelmed, alone. It is hard to explain the feelings to others of a low of a high. Yes they see the after affects at times. They see the pools of sweat dripping from our foreheads, the vague looks of a low. They see the thirst, the peeing, the irritation of a high, but yet they cannot feel what we feel. They do not see the defeat, the heartbreak, the frustration. They sometimes think this is easy to handle. Just take your insulin, avoid sweets, kill rats... I mean pet cats, especially these two. If only people knew what this was truly like. JDRF once had the test or "live like a diabetic for a day" example. You know "pretend" to be a diabetic. That is a good idea, but it doesn't really do things justice. At the end of the day with all of the carb counting and rubber band snapping to simulate the testing, it is not the same. People may see the mental aspect of things and the work of living with this illness, they do not see the "mental" aspect or the "work" of living with diabetes.

Playing at an illness is one thing, but the day to day drain we encounter the emotional and sugarcal roller coasters we ride are not the same. People don't get me, don't get us. I have friends who have helped me out, who I can talk to about my fears, my frustrations, and anything else. I have others in the smaller group of people with diabetes online/offline I can talk to (Yet this group is growing immensely). They get me kinda. They know, but the rest of the world truly doesn't. 

I have no idea how I just got to this point. It's weird. The thing is that the rest of the world does not get me. I think this is why sometimes I write this blog so that those of us who need the support and help and guidance find someone to "get" them. I am more gotten now than I have been. Yet I have probably gotten more out of what others have posted than I care to admit. I am so glad for this.

My friends on the DOC and beyond have helped me so much. So, back to the origin of all of this. When I look at the mirror I see... I see Brian. I see me. I see who I am. I see my weaknesses and strengths. I see a unique person who has grown from have the diagnoses of type 1 diabetes, but mainly now I see a booger hanging from my nose... (YEAH I WENT THERE).

Thank you all for being there for me. You know who you are. I love you all. And this was way more than a 15 minute ramble. Oh well. 

Day 11: Theme Song

So for the Wego Health blog topic today I have been given the hint of Theme song. Imagine your health focus or blog is getting its own theme song. What would the lyrics be? What type of music would it be played to? 

I started to giggle a little bit about this one. My obvious thought was if I had a theme song what would it sound like, I heard the Andy Griffith theme in my head. Not because I am Andry Griffithy... but because I know of at least a few people who would claim I was a back woodsy sorta sheriff. I digress and Sara keep your comments to yourself. 

So my blog if it had a theme song and lyrics.... The obvious would be to the tune of Rafi's Banana Phone. If I just got this song stuck in your head, my bad. But thing about it: Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, Buzz Buzz, not my cell.... It could just write itself.

However, I am not one to write lyrics about my own blog theme song. That is where the creative writers at some other persons imagination crop in. I would hazard a guess that the theme song would be upbeat, poppish, with Piano and a little guitar. 

The lyrics well basically something like, "What is that?? Not my cell. What is that??? Not my cell!!" Honestly after that I got nothing other than monkey's and banana's playing tag in my head. Weird, but hey at least I admit it.

Day 10: Letter to Self.

When I saw today's topic of writing a letter to 16 year old Brian. I thought, I know I have done this before. While yes, I could have written a new letter to myself. I am cheating and borrowing from last years post.


Why? Well my mindset hasn't changed all that much, plus I thought I was quite clever when I wrote this last year.


Dear Brian,
It's me, a much older and well most likely wiser version of you writing to you about life as a person with diabetes in the future. I know you don't want to hear this, because well I know I didn't want to hear this but well I am going to pass my wisdom on to you anyway. Maybe you will ignore me, well I know what you will do. You will get pissed off that someone dares to talk to you about have diabetes. Who the hell am I to do that anyway? Yes, you think you know what you are doing. Yes you have survived doing what you have for so many years. I can't fault that. But just listen and think about things for a few minutes.

First and for most. Yes, a good, low a1c is nice, you can avoid many major complications. Yes what you have been doing shot wise is pretty good as well. But well you were never really taught about that entire difference between your NPH and your R/Humalog insulin. This is very important. Because while yes the twice daily injections of NPH are fine and keep you going at the 20 units a shot, the use of the fast acting insulin was not really explained to you. There is really no need to take the amount of insulin you were taking. The 15 units in the morning and evening while yes balanced out your sugars, have been dropping you low for years, this is why you are going to be hypo unaware. The Humalog insulin is not long term. It moves fast, it drops your sugar. You wonder why you were low so often. It had nothing to do with being cunning or outsmarting your illness. You could have died. In fact in the future you will come close a few times due to your ignorance. It is not really your fault. As far as I can remember I don't quite remember any of our endo's from the first at diagnosis to the last one we had before moving to a pump, really explaining this insulin and carbs and shit to us. You are lucky and were lucky. Take a few minutes to educate yourself and ask questions. I promise you can still control your a1c's. I promise.
That was probably the most important thing. Testing, testing goes hand in hand with everything else. Yes it is a pain in the ass. Especially back in the day when meter's took a minute to test. The longest minute ever. Yet, some of your issues and problems could have been avoided had you tested more. You might have seen the affects of the insulin regime you were on. Instead, you took a long hiatus from testing because of the waste of time you found it to be. You are given 168 hours in the week to do with as you please. Why not waste a few minutes of that time to keep an eye on things. Than maybe mom won't keep asking you, "Brian are you ok? You seem grumpy, do you need to eat?" Yes those questions are annoying, but there is a reason to this. Your mom actually is paying attention and cares. Don't be a fool.


So those are the big things. But I just want to encourage you to take a more active stance on life and take control of being a person with diabetes. There are camps out there to get involved in, something I never did. It will be awesome if you go. You can talk to people and learn stuff. Stuff you might need. People I know who went to camps loved it. Pumps are not a bad thing. They are not for people who can't "control" their diabetes or did a poor job. You are an idiot for thinking that. Hell where did you even get that idea? Idiot I swear. Well again, you will learn more when you meet people who also are PWD's. Don't ignore them. Talk to them. It will help. You are truly not alone in this.


At the same time, don't change. You will be an awesome guy. Have people laughing at you all the time. You can be a positive force in the hidden world you have chosen to hide in. I promise you, it is worth it. You meet some characters. I know and hell you will become one yourself. I hope this helps. But I promise you, this is just some friendly advice from well you. I know you won't like to hear this, but I thought you should know some stuff. It will help you from other more embarrassing moments.

Sincerely,
Brian at 30 years and 16 years with D.



So I mailed myself this letter, and I got a response. I hate younger Brian.

Dear Old Man Brian,

I just got your message. I wanted to thank you for your concern with how I deal with my diabetes. But you see, I know what I am doing and nothing bad has happened. Why should I fix something that isn't broke. I don't really care what you think. You and your "years" of experience. My years have kept me safe and well f-off. Sorry, don't care. I can handle this on my own.


Sincerely,
Brian the smarter and wiser


*Disclaimer*
Apparently I was not as polite a person as I am now. What an ass... Oh well. Glad I don't have to deal with 16 year old Brian all that much. 

Day 9: Keep Calm and Carry on

Keep Calm and Carry On. Reminds me of that infamous cat image, with the cat and tree branch. Know the one I am talking about, don't you??? No? Damn. Well here is one of the many....

But instead of Hang in there.... or whatever we get the prompt to create our own Keep Calm and Carry On sorta sign. So my slogan or catchphrase with this blog at times when people get frustrated about a high blood sugar or a low is to get annoyed. But in the end, it is only a number. It's okay for it to happen and we can learn from the mistake and try again.

SO....

DAY 7 Health Activist Choice!

I am sooo grateful to have the opportunity to write something very difficult today. Today's prompt was a really hard one to do and it is with great trepidation that I put pen to paper or well fingers to keyboard. Today the writing topic is: Write about what you want today. 

With today being a Saturday, Holy Saturday for those of you who don't know there is something of great importance to speak about today. 

That's right the Reese's Peanut Butter Egg. Now for those of you that read me normally you may very well be aware of my fascination with all things PEANUT BUTTER and CHOCOLATE! Well fascination might not be strong enough a word. Obsession works, yeah I'll go with my obsession with these puppies. 

I sadly can't remember who I was speaking to these puppies about month's ago. I seem to think I can misquote either Sara or Jess or quite possibly Jacquie, but I could have the wrong body completely. "The chocolate to peanut butter ratio on these things is AMAZING!!" Man do I adore these things. I honestly could wax eloquently about this forever.

Sadly right now I do not have any of these. It definitely is not because of my diabetes, because we all know that if foods are properly accounted for, bolused, and thought out, I can eat this. The reasons that I currently do not have any of these things, even though I am sitting here dreaming about them (I need better dreams), are twofold. I ate the pack I had and I wait for the after Easter Sales when discounts abound. Tuesday, I can honestly and without shame say that I am going to buy some low blood sugar medicine at various stores to acquire the discounted Easter Eggs.

I CAN'T WAIT!!!! 

See, this is what happens when you give me free rein over anything that I want to speak about. I probably should have done more diabetes advocacy, but tough pattoots. Have a Happy Holy Saturday and an even more Blessed Easter. I may be taking tomorrow as my first freebie day off.  

The Health Activist's Writers Month Challenge: Day 6 Health Haiku

Oh bother. A health haiku really. Like I need to be able to come up with another type of writing. My bad Facebook rhyming quotes are bad enough.

Diabetes Haiku:

Awake test. Low? High? sigh.
Bolus, eat, the meals not sweet.
Retest! Low? High? SIGH!!!!

This is a day in the life of a person with type one diabetes.

The Health Activist's Writers Month Challenge: Day 5 Ekphrasis Post???

Today's prompt: Go to flickr.com/explore and write a post inspired by the image. Can you link it to your health focus? Don’t forget to post the image! 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/hidesax/7042068183/ 

Sorry, I can't actually convince my blog to post this picture here. That is messed up, so here's the link. Maybe I will try to sort this out when I can.

The Ekphrasis post. 


The link might explain to you better what I am supposed to be doing. 


The spring storm image called my name, the hues of blue reminded me of Blue Fridays. The day in which all people with type one diabetes are called to wear blue in solidarity, but maybe also to get people to wonder why we are wearing blue. To be able to advocate for those people who have type one diabetes.


The rain can be symbolic of the tears of frustration we all face in dealing with this illness or condition. the desire to sometimes just sit down, cry, and quit. Yet I don't see that focus. The image of the spring storm, brings new life. It waters the bulbs, seeds, and trees. Things will bloom and come anew. The rain can wash us clean as we start anew each day. Each spring. The rain cleans us. This is what I see. No tears for fears for me. Not this day, not ever. We start again. We are new. We are whole. We are able to live each day as a new beginning.

The Health Writers Activists Month Day 4: I write about my health because

Today's prompt was in my mind a very simple prompt. Yet at the same time one that can either be limitless or limited. The prompt:

I write about my health because... Reflect on why you write about your health for 15-20 minutes without stopping. 

So Brian, why do you blog about your health and life as a person with type 1 diabetes?? 

"Well, Brian, that is a very loaded question. The easy answer is because I feel that there is a story that needs to be told. Not necessarily my story, as I don't go into all of the nitty gritty details of my life. My complaints or such. Do I have complaints? Well, duh. But that isn't what my goal is here. Sometimes, yes I want to rail against life, the unfairness of it all, and say life is bogus, and I don't give a flying fructose about these things. Yet there is something else, if you find the #doc aka the Diabetes Online Community, you realize that you are not the only person out there. There are others who have hit the problems you have hit, maybe the same issues, maybe not, but heck it's close enough. That is why I write. There are so many inspirations out there, Kerri, Kim, Sara, Jess, C, .... the list goes on and on. We all do different things in our writing, but we all do it not for our own self promotion or to win awards or get loads of money (well I don't think so), but to help others to know 'hey I've had the problem and you know what you can do this.' Alright, I think I am done with the promotion of others, once I collect my royalty checks from them I can continue...

I am of course kidding. These people I mentioned all came into my life at various points, when I was lost. While I did not know some of them as bloggers but online buddies. They were that source of inspiration to continue on. To look past the unfairness of life and know there will be an answer at some point in my life. I HATE WAITING!!!!"

So Brian, what you are telling me is that you write because they made you write??

"Uhh... no. Why would you ask something as stupid as that? I write because of them, they inspired me. Kim is hysterical and her work is what really got me thinking about starting my blog. I mean, I may not be as awesome as Kim sometimes, I figured my own brand of humor would help me find a niche in the blogging world. From Kim, I found Kerri and Sara and C (well her I knew but than she blogged too) and Jess as well. I found these awesome people out there. It made me realize that back when I was in my denial phase, the entire no test and just give enough insulin and hope I don't die phase things might have been different. The acceptance of my illness might have been a little easier on me, instead of the denial or stupid choices I was making. They gave me answers to things that I was to stupid to think about or ask. It made me realize, that well maybe I should be helping people out as well. If someone happens to be facing the problems I am or has the same questions I do/did, maybe I too can help them. I guess maybe they did make me write my blog, but they aren't forcing my hand to do it, it's a joy."

Alright, Brian you seem to be quite convincing about why you are doing this. Any last words for our audience?

"Audience?? Really you have no audience, this is a fake interview in your head."

Yeah, so what shut up and write....

"Fine, fine. The thing is for me the joy in writing is the journey it takes to get there. Sometimes, when I begin I have no clue as to where I am going to go with the Blog. Yet it takes me to an answer that I have been seeking. Sometimes, my blogs go weird. Plain and simple. Don't believe me, scan the history and titles of the blogs, I am nuts and well I do most of my writing for my own chips and pringles anyway. So yeah. The self discovery is amazing. But also, just being able to hopefully offer something that helps somebody in need. That is what matters."

Well Brian thank you for your time, I appreciate it. Now you can stop talking to yourself and maybe stop getting those weird looks from other people in the office.  

The Health Activits Writers Month Challenge: Day 3 Super Power Day

Today's prompt: 
If you had a superpower – what would it be? How would you use it? 

Holy loaded question Wego Health!!!! This prompt really tore me to pieces. I mean I always dreamed of the hypothetical super hero imagery. Being Superman would be awesome, but can I truly trust myself with those powers?? Ehhh... I mean being the Green Lantern, nor that is kinda cool as well. Mind reading, telekinesis, intelligence, telepathy, flight, control of fire/ice/nature. (Sorry you have tapped my inner comic book nerd.) All of those powers fought a battle in my head for the ultimate choice to come to head.

Ironically, it would be a toss up between telekinesis and healing. I mean to be able to move stuff with my mind, to realize I left my wallet on my desk and be able to get it back. Deflect bullets and maybe shield myself from injury and harm, oh and help do the same for others as well.... Duh.

But healing, to have that ability to help fix small wounds and big wounds alike. To reattach limbs, cure any disease.... the list goes on and on. Yes, maybe I should have become a doctor and done all of those amazing things. I can honestly tell you as smart as I claim to be at times, the memorizing of facts and stuff is not my strength.  But just that ability to help those in need would be great. 


My overly analytical mind starts to give me other scenarios, would I heal everyone or just those truly in need? What about the normal life cycle? Do I cure everyone? I don't know. That is one of those double edged swords. However, to be able to do something for those in need would be awesome. So maybe instead of my imagined super powers I use what I have to help those in need. Myself as I am is really super hero enough at times, just as you, yourself are a super hero as well. Never forget that. Super powers would be awesome. Yet I think I might just choose to stay awesome as myself as best as I can.

The Health Activits Writers Month Challenge: Day 2 Quotation Inspiration

Today's prompt/challenge:
Find a quote that inspires you (either positively or negatively) and free write about it for 15 minutes. 

This challenge  jumped out at me really fast. As in the water balloon has popped all over you before you even try to swat it away sorta fast. In my real life, non-blogger work, I deal with death and dying often. As a priest it happens and I am the one who gets to talk to people when Mom, Dad, Son, Daughter, or whoever it is has passed away. I stumbled upon this quote years ago, and well it just works for everything and anything we do.


“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.”
Thank you Ms. Erma Bombeck for this quote. 


This quote can inspire so much out of us whether we believe in God or not. I am not going to argue that. Instead, it is an inspiration to think about the end of our own lives and what he have done or not done. Will we have any regrets? Is there that one thing in life that we should have done that we never did? Skydiving, Scuba Diving, Donate Blood, Help at a food pantry? Maybe it's traveled to other countries, gone to Disney World and Land. Maybe something as simple as eating brie cheese or trying to cook lamb shanks. It doesn't matter.


The focus is those regrets that we may have and why? What is it that holds us back? Just fear of .... or embarrassment? Really who cares? What we do with our life is so important, the small and big things.


Yet, the what we do is also symbolic of how we do it? A resolution I try to uphold in my life is not being afraid of the unknown. That using what I have to the best of my ability is something that needs to be done. I have done some of the things I have feared. I have sung the entire Holy Thursday liturgy even though at times I feared my questionable pitch. It was a relief to have it over and done with and is now something I know I can do. I have traveled the US meeting people that I never would have, because of my own shyness. I have made amazing friends that way. 


I write my blog, while I question if people actually read it or get anything from it, my friends and supporters tell me otherwise. I have used my own quirks and I am pretty quirky, you will probably notice that as the days go on and I get more accustomed to this day to day writing stuff. Yet it is something I enjoy. And that is the thing for me at the end of the day. While I realize I have yet to peak or catch the eye of those who follow the normal #dbloggers, I am okay with that most days. Who I reach is more important than the how many at the end of the day.


This is what is so inspiring about this quote to me. I hope to have used all of my skills and talents to reach out to others. Either people who have diabetes or people in need. In the end I guess it really doesn't matter. I can't fear the unknown, because it is just that. I can only do my best, try my hardest, and maybe one day be able to say, yes Lord I have used all you have given. I will be happy with that. My legacy while it would be awesome if I left a great one behind me, truly does not matter. What does is that I have always tried my hardest and maybe made a difference in the lives of 1  or 2 other people.

The Health Activist's Writers Month Challenge: DAY 1 Time Capsule

So apparently in a fit of wisdom, stupidity, weakness, I decided what the hell my blog has been stagnant on ideas for a little while, why not do this? I was emailed about it, so it must be good. And hell it is only 30 days of writing and posts. I mean in the past year for my blogs anniversary, I managed to come up with 100 some odd posts. This should be easy. Yes, 100 plus posts over 365 days. Now I need to come up with 30 posts in 30 days. Thank God they have given me prompts though or I would be screwed.

Today's Prompt:
Pretend you’re making a time capsule of you & your health focus that won’t be opened until 2112. What’s in it? What would people think of it when they found it? 

So my focus is cheese... no wait that's my obsession. My focus being Type 1 Diabetes. 

So what would I put in my time capsule? Hmm... That is easy. Really, really easy. 

The obvious:

 The insulin pump, the CGM, the glucose tabs, the meter, strips, and in this case non-blunt lancet. The normal swag that is my life of diabetes. Granted my pump and CGM would not be the ones that are keeping me alive. hopefully, they would be dummy models or manuals and pictures, since I kinda sorta need that stuff to live. 


The not so obvious:
unicorns, bacon, cupcakes.


The ridiculous:
cheese, picture of Kevin Bacon... I mean bacon.


Also, I would include "hope" for a cure and my own story up to this point. My hopes, my dreams for a cure. 


Yet at the same time I would include my own desires that a cure has come about. I am sure by this point in the future a cure has come about. Yet at the same time, if one has not.... Well that just would sadden me. I am not going to dwell on that eventuality though. That is not my style. I know that things have gotten better since than. Heck in the past 16 years of my living with D things have gotten so much better. Even now the eventuality of a cure has improved hugely not the time frame of 5 years I was originally told, promised, lied to about, but I am sure it has happened. 


That being the case the second part would make sense to me. What would people think? Well obviously the tech is dated. The disease is long dead. There would be confusion about this disease. What is/was it? How could it have been any worse than #### that we face now? Well honestly, it isn't. For each of us now how can we relate to cancer, bulimia, heart attacks, gluten allergies? Anything else we are not familiar with? Well hopefully with sympathy/empathy. With a glimmer of understanding and non-judgment. 


As I write this today, I realize I do not know enough about any challenges out there that others face. Because, well I did not have to face them. Yet, for me that is fine. I know I do not know enough about what is out there, because I am just as ignorant as others are about me. So who knows what these future dwellers will actually be seeing or facing? Not me. 


What I hope to truly have people see in my time capsule is that while yes I have faced challenges, I have faced them as positively as I can and endured. Just as anyone else who has challenges in their lives will have done. That is my hope for my time capsule. Will I include other things? Heck yeah. But currently I can't think of what each of these objects will be.